Could you rate the first part of my novel?

Cheryl Jones had just lost her job as a nurse and desperately needed to find some work, because the pile of bills kept getting higher and higher each day. She needed to support her 17-year-old niece. The two women had been living together for about a year now. It was a rather sunny day and Cheryl was looking for a job in the newspaper, sitting on her balcony, gazing dreamingly into the pool’s clear water. She noticed the small drain in the middle of the perfectly round pool and it reminded her of a breast. She smiled to herself. ‘‘Milk comes out of breasts,’’ She thought to herself. ‘‘And that milk feeds babies…’’ Suddenly, she thought of something. Something rather grand. ‘‘I will feed myself with the pool… By using it to make money.’’ She asked herself whether selling tickets to local children for an hour of swimming was a good idea or not. ‘‘I need to reach the adults instead,’’ She said aloud to herself. Then, her neighbour came out of her house and waved. Cheryl waved back and noticed… A cup of coffee in her hand. ‘‘All adults like coffee,’’ She thought, jumping out of her chair, getting into her car as quickly as she could and driving to the supermarket.

She bought many boxes of instant coffee and, when she arrived home, poured them into the pool. She took her clothes off and jumped in. She began stirring the coffee with her thin arms. ‘‘Mel!’’ She shouted. Her niece came out of the house, her long hair, which was a blend of blonde and brown, floating in the summer breeze. ‘‘Oh, Auntie Cheryl, the water is filthy!’’ ‘‘It’s actually coffee, Mel,’’ Replied the aunt. ‘‘Now go get me a small table, milk, and sugar.’’ Mel obeyed. Cheryl told her to place the small table in front of the pool and arranged the milk and sugar in a nice way on top of it, adding a small bouquet of roses. She then wrote ‘Aunt Cheryl’s Homemade Coffee,’ and attached it to a tree. They just had to wait for their first client.

A few hours later, Cheryl was still swimming in the pool of dark coffee when she noticed a small, shy-looking man walking towards the pool. ‘‘Would you like a coffee?’’ She asked. He nodded. She took one of the many small cups Mel had put on the table and, swimming around the pool, splashing coffee on the bushes, she sang a song. She then soaked the cup in the pool and handed it to the man. She had decided to sing for all her clients, so that it would be entertaining and attract many. Sadly, it would be her only customer that day.

The next day, Mel spent a rather bad at school, because she was so looking forward to going home to see how Cheryl’s business was doing. She was quite happy when she heard the bell ring and ran home, but Cheryl wasn’t in the pool. She wasn’t in the house either.

A few days later, Cheryl was still missing and the police had been informed. Mel hadn’t gone to school since and once day, as she was looking out her window bitter, noticed the pool. ‘‘Cheryl would have want me to keep up her business,’’ She whispered to herself. She took her clothes off, took a large cardboard box, which she then painted white and cut a whole for her face, and placed it on her head to resemble a cube of sugar. She jumped in the pool and waited… Like Cheryl had…

An old man who was known as the town pervert noticed Mel and knowing she was so young, asked for a cup of coffee. He enjoyed to think of the fact that her nude, young body had soaked in it. Little did Mel know at the time, he would call all of his perverted, older friends and in less than an hour, there were about twenty men who had once been jailed for pedophilia gathered around Mel’s pool for the spectacle.

They spent every day there and Mel saw her pile of money grow as the pile of bills shrank. One day, however, a police officer arrived, armed with a gun, and screamed, ‘‘All these men are pedophiles and have a history! They aren’t allowed to be so close to a young, naked person!’’ Mel hurried out of the pool and threw a bathrobe on. She went to see the cop and begged him to not arrest them. ‘‘They haven’t done anything, I swear,’’ She cried. ‘‘I need the money.’’ The men all cheered. ‘‘That’s right! We haven’t done anything!’’ One by one, they fell to the ground. Mel and the cop starred as all the men died slowly, all moaning and screaming. ‘‘What happened?’’ Mel asked. ‘‘I have… I have no idea,’’ The cop replied. It was too much excitement for Mel and she fainted, falling on the pool. Then, the cop noticed Cheryl’s body come up to the surface of the water. ‘‘My, my,’’ He thought, helping Mel up. ‘‘Your aunt’s body… Poisoned the men… Her hair probably got caught in the drain and your fall…’’ ‘‘I understand,’’ Mel screamed in shock, looking as the pale body of her beloved aunt floated in the brown pool.